Found in drafts “11.19.2014”

Waiting on something is hard. Waiting on the unknown is harder.

I am feeling post-op sadness. It took 9 months, after discovering my vein blockage, to have my (2nd) open heart surgery. Waiting to have open heart surgery is hard. I constantly battled my emotions. I despaired every day over my loss of life. I regret it–being in such a state of despair–but I don’t know how I could have prevented it. I wish I had not let the mourning of loss make me lose more but I did.

I mourned for 9 months, I had surgery, and then I was/am recovering. I am 3 months post-op. I am scared about the future, the unknown, getting back to normalcy. I know it will feel so good to regain my financial and emotional independence, but I am so afraid of starting life again.

January I will begin again. It feels weird waiting.

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Author: heidi

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

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