Waiting on something is hard. Waiting on the unknown is harder.
I am feeling post-op sadness. It took 9 months, after discovering my vein blockage, to have my (2nd) open heart surgery. Waiting to have open heart surgery is hard. I constantly battled my emotions. I despaired every day over my loss of life. I regret it–being in such a state of despair–but I don’t know how I could have prevented it. I wish I had not let the mourning of loss make me lose more but I did.
I mourned for 9 months, I had surgery, and then I was/am recovering. I am 3 months post-op. I am scared about the future, the unknown, getting back to normalcy. I know it will feel so good to regain my financial and emotional independence, but I am so afraid of starting life again.
January I will begin again. It feels weird waiting.